Then reality hits. I get doughnuts as a special treat for my second child's birthday to celebrate her last year as a teenager. I really want one. Just one. Oh here's a small one. I'll just eat that. Then a little while later I start having that high glucose feeling. It's hard to explain but others with diabetes know what I mean. I kind of feel hot on the inside. My head feels funny. My body feels funny. My belly feels funny. It's not a feeling that can be put into words. I'm only in the 160s right now (two hours later) but it's somewhat hard to concentrate.
I'm usually pretty conservative with my words. I rarely curse. I even feel uncomfortable with words like stupid and sucks. However I'm cranky and fed up. Diabetes isn't fair! It isn't fair one bit. It downright sucks!
It sucks that I can't have more than one doughnut. Even that one makes my glucose go up.It sucks that I go to 200 from a simple bowl of cereal.
It sucks that I have to watch what I eat.
It sucks that I can go low from cleaning the house.
It sucks!
I could end here with a change of heart talking about what is good about diabetes. Normally I do when I write these ranting posts. Not this time. This time I'm going to say "It sucks!" and let it sit there. Too often we're told it will be ok and to smile. We need to acknowledge the sucky parts of diabetes!
Sometimes we don't want to smile - and that's ok!
You don't have to smile. You don't have to end on a positive note (although I try to do that too so I understand). Diabetes DOES suck. I'm sorry. Hugs. (HBD to your daughter!)
ReplyDeleteIf the attitude police come out, let me know and I'll smack them for you. It is so okay to be realistic in the face of disease. No one tells the person with a head cold that if they blow rainbows and butterflies out their ears they will get well sooner. All illness, especially chronic illness has the parts to them that have no redeeming value. It's okay to acknowledge that fact.
ReplyDeleteSue, it does suck. And I too love doughnuts, but they don't love me. They're my kryptonite. I hope this week is off to a better start.
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