We Are Not as Strong as We Think We Are

When I was working on my masters degree, I found myself wanting to give up more times than I care to admit. I'd cry. I'd yell. I'd hang my head. My husband and children would encourage me to keep going, but sometimes their words stopped at my ears because I wouldn't let them reach my heart. Music, I found, more than often reaches my heart.

During my undergrad days, I was a huge Rich Mullins fan. He was a Christian artist whose music easily touched my heart. Luckily I still had some of his music from back then and I brought it back into my life as I struggled to balance family, work, and school. "Hold Me, Jesus" was a regular song on my playlist. I would feel as if Jesus himself was wrapping me in a hug, encouraging me.

Some days I felt so weak. I found this song, "We Are Not as Strong". Even though Rich calls it the "Christian break-up song." I felt as though admitting that we're not always strong was reassuring. I needed someone to say that it was ok to feel weak. The song reminds me that I am "beautifully and wonderfully made."  Even though the song was meant to deal with the sadness of a relationship ending, it worked wonders on my heart to let me know that I could make it through the tough times.

Sometimes, however we need more than a song. We need more than a family member or other loved one. We need more than a best friend with a pep talk. Sometimes we need professional help.

This is something I've just realized and admitted to myself. Although I feel like I'm doing an adequate job managing my life with diabetes, I've decided I need some extra help. Today I met with a local dietitian to help with my nutritional needs. I'm also seeing a counselor for my emotional needs. Of course both of these areas have a huge affect on my general health and happiness. This was not an easy thing for me to do. I'm one of those people who does not like asking for help.

Please, if you're ever feeling like you have a little too much weight on your shoulders, admit to yourself that you can't do it alone. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness. It's showing how strong you've been for so long and you need to share the load.

We are not as strong as we think we are.

The emotional side of diabetes

I've vented here many times about my frustrations with diabetes. The outward emotions of anger, denial, and bitterness. However I rarely talk about my inward struggles. Call it emotional wellbeing, mental health, or any of the other terms. Whatever label you give it, one thing is true about many people with diabetes: We hide much of the emotional burden we bear living with a chronic illness most of the time.

Most people see me as a cheerful, caring individual, or so I've been told. Confession: There are so many times that I'm smiling on the outside while tearing myself up on the inside. I feel I need to be Super Mom, Super Wife, Super Teacher, Super Friend, and Super Diabetic. When it comes to diabetes, I might ask: Why did I eat that? Why didn't I do that? Why can't I make it to the gym? Why am I not the perfect diabetic? Why am I so hard on myself? Why am I not harder on myself?

Yes, I know that I can do better, but I also know that I could do worse. I'd like to do better at my own diabetes management. I'd also like to do more in the world of diabetes blogging and patient advocacy. I actually told my husband today that part of me would like to be a full-time advocate and part-time educator, maybe a tutor. However at this time my calling is to be a full-time educator and part-time advocate. We agreed that some day the roles may become reversed, when it's the right time.

"Diabetes Ramblings" - it's more than a blog title. It's how I process my thoughts and feelings. As I ramble, I am able to express myself in a way that helps me through some tough times. My hope is that I am able to also reach out and help others. There is no shame in admitting that you need help. If life seems to be dragging you down and you're not living the life you want to live, reach out. Find someone you trust - a doctor, a friend, clergy, a counselor. There is no shame in saying that you can't do it all. You don't need to be a super hero. You are loved and you are valued!

Depression and Diabetes

It is said that people with diabetes (PWD) run a high risk of depression.  Even with good control, diabetes is a tough thing to deal with on a daily basis.  Let's be blunt here: Diabetes sucks!  Really, it does.  Even with a great medical team, awesome friends, and an amazing family for support, it's understandable why many PWD deal with depression on some level.  Would I consider myself clinically depressed?  No.  Do I have some days that are harder to deal with than others?  You betcha!  No one would know it though.  I'm overall an upbeat person.  However there are days that are harder than others.  I get angry.  There are times I may overdo the carb control and exercise and other days where I just want to eat a whole package of chocolate chip cookies.

Mental illness and depression are looked at negatively in our society.  Almost as if it's the person's fault.  It is no one's fault!  Below are two videos.  The first one I was introduced to today.  It's a speech given by a 19 yr old young man, wise beyond his years.  The second video is a a song that means a lot to me.  It gives me hope.  It gives me something to hold on to.  Even if you're not a believer, everyone needs something that gives them hope.  My faith in God and belief in the Savior give me that hope.  Enjoy!