Why am I here?

Why am I here?

I've been thinking a lot about this question lately. Especially since my stroke in February. We all question our purpose, but when faced with a situation that could be fatal. I don't like to think about it, but even though I came out ok from my stroke, the fact is that I could have died if it had hit a different part of my brain. I am thankful every day that I am still here, but that still brings up the question...

Why am I here?

This is a question I have been asking myself. Is there a purpose for my life? I'm meaning beyond the raising my children and being here to see my grandchildren.

I believe the answer is yes. My purpose is to share my story. To let someone know they are not alone. And if someone feels alone, my hope is through my words I can help them feel less alone.

Why am I here?

If someone needs a friend or a listening ear, my contact information is in my profile. Please use it. I am here for you. THAT is why I am here!

We Are Not as Strong as We Think We Are

When I was working on my masters degree, I found myself wanting to give up more times than I care to admit. I'd cry. I'd yell. I'd hang my head. My husband and children would encourage me to keep going, but sometimes their words stopped at my ears because I wouldn't let them reach my heart. Music, I found, more than often reaches my heart.

During my undergrad days, I was a huge Rich Mullins fan. He was a Christian artist whose music easily touched my heart. Luckily I still had some of his music from back then and I brought it back into my life as I struggled to balance family, work, and school. "Hold Me, Jesus" was a regular song on my playlist. I would feel as if Jesus himself was wrapping me in a hug, encouraging me.

Some days I felt so weak. I found this song, "We Are Not as Strong". Even though Rich calls it the "Christian break-up song." I felt as though admitting that we're not always strong was reassuring. I needed someone to say that it was ok to feel weak. The song reminds me that I am "beautifully and wonderfully made."  Even though the song was meant to deal with the sadness of a relationship ending, it worked wonders on my heart to let me know that I could make it through the tough times.

Sometimes, however we need more than a song. We need more than a family member or other loved one. We need more than a best friend with a pep talk. Sometimes we need professional help.

This is something I've just realized and admitted to myself. Although I feel like I'm doing an adequate job managing my life with diabetes, I've decided I need some extra help. Today I met with a local dietitian to help with my nutritional needs. I'm also seeing a counselor for my emotional needs. Of course both of these areas have a huge affect on my general health and happiness. This was not an easy thing for me to do. I'm one of those people who does not like asking for help.

Please, if you're ever feeling like you have a little too much weight on your shoulders, admit to yourself that you can't do it alone. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness. It's showing how strong you've been for so long and you need to share the load.

We are not as strong as we think we are.

In Sickness and In Health

Over 25 years ago, my husband and I made vows before God, family, and friends to be devoted to each other "until death do us part." Another part of our vows included the words "in sickness and in health." We've each had our share of colds, flu, stomach bugs, etc. He's cared for me when I had my gall bladder out and after childbirth. In turn, I have cared for him after surgery and other illnesses.  Most of our "sicknesses" have been different and separate. Until now...

This past week my husband was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. We knew it was a possibility. After all I have the diabetic cooties... Umm, just joking. Actually his father had Type 2 diabetes. Knowing the strong genetic factor for Type 2, we have prepared ourselves for this possibility.  We're not happy about the diagnosis, obviously, but we weren't blindsided either.

How are we dealing with diabetes as a couple? So far it isn't any different from when only one of us had diabetes. We've always been supportive and encouraging of each other. I don't know everything going on in his mind about this. My husband is a pretty quiet guy. You won't see him blogging or at advocacy conferences. If you do see him, you will see an intellectual man who is doing his best to take care of himself and his family.

As a person who has lived with diabetes for almost 10 years and is involved in education and advocacy, the hardest part so far is not telling my husband what to do. His diabetes is *his* diabetes. It's not mine. I'm his wife, his partner, his cheering section - I am not his physician, his dietician, his keeper. We learned about his diagnosis only a few days ago, so it will take us time to figure this out. I do know one thing for sure. We will figure it out together!

Logging Challenge with @mySugr

I love gadgets. Honestly. I love my cell phone, kindle, laptop, and even my glucometer. What's even better than a fun gadget? A fun app to go with it! It makes even sucky things like diabetes a little more fun!

I've been using the logbook app from mySugr for a while now. I love it! It makes logging a lot more fun as I tame my diabetes monster. Even though I'm not on the medication, I've named the little monster Lizard Spit (look up Byetta and you'll understand).

Unfortunately even though I love using this app, I have to admit that I'm not always consistent. Ok, I'm rarely consistent if you want full disclosure here.

It's the New Year! This time of year is full of people making resolutions and goals. I prefer to call them goals, because resolutions have a reputation of lasting a very short time. My goal for 2016 is to take better care of my health. Especially my diabetes. Well the awesome people at mySugr are on board with this, too. They've started a 30 day challenge. Here are the details from their Facebook page:

These three have their New Year’s Resolutions set on the #30DLogging Challenge! Will you join them? The boss is giving...
Posted by mySugr on Monday, December 28, 2015

Watch the video, check out their site, download the app, and join the challenge!

What are you going to name YOUR monster?

Grief, Illness, Denial, and Diabetes

The last few months has been a physical and emotional rollercoaster for me. With everything that's been going on, it's been hard to keep track of my diabetes. One way to help me get back on track with my diabetes management is to examine what's been going on with my life: grief, illness, denial, and diabetes.

At the end of September, we lost a great man in our family - my father-in-law. My husband and I started dating in high school, so this man had been part of my life for almost 30 years. He saw me grow from a 16 year old with a crush on his oldest son into the confident mother of five and educator that I am today. He wasn't a man of many words, but he had a way to let you know how he felt. I know he was proud of all of his children and grandchildren. He will be dearly missed. (My father-in-law did have Type 2 diabetes as well as several other medical conditions. The blue candle is for him.)

I've also been dealing with one cold virus after another since early November. I've had two rounds of antibiotics and three bottles of prescription cough syrup. This last round also included pain medicine for pulled muscles around my ribs due to coughing. At this point I only have a slight cough, minor case of the sniffles, and one area of pain remaining from the pulled muscle.

Denial? Yeah, that leads into the last word - diabetes. I've been so busy dealing with grief and illness that I haven't been paying attention to my diabetes. I've tested here and there. I've tried to eat right, but honestly comfort eating during the last three months has taken over my focus from diabetes management. I've overall neglected my diabetes, which honestly may have prolonged my recovery from the various little bugs going around.

So what do I do now?

Grief: I'm going to forever miss my father-in-law, but the pain won't sting as much as time goes on. Yes, every once in a while it hits and I find tears flowing without my consent. However my belief says that his is in heaven waiting for us. In the meantime, we have a purpose here on earth.

Illness: I'm trying to make sure to take care of myself. It's hard to get rest over the holidays, especially when entertaining. However I now have a few days to rest and relax before school starts again next week. There is grading and lesson planning to do, but I can do a little at a time this week. Tomorrow I'll be getting some dental work done, so I'll be relaxing in the afternoon.

Denial: I can't deny that I need to take care of myself while I take care of those around me.

Diabetes: Yup, that's still here even though I ignored it for the most part over the last three months. Comfort eating is understandable during times of illness and grief, however it needs to be controlled.

Why do I share this in such a public way? Because I know I'm not the only one dealing with these emotions. I know I'm not the only one. The DOC (diabetes online community) includes people with all types of diabetes as well as their loved ones. We are here to love and support each other. Yes, I need support, but I also hope that in some way my words will be an encouragement to others during their tough times. It's been a tough year (I also found out that my minivan needs some expensive repairs this week. Ugh!), but I have hope for the future.

I'm not going to pretend that everything is perfect because it's not. However I know with the support of others and my own personal beliefs, I can get through this. I'm going to be ok. So are you!

Diabetes Advocacy Has an Easy Button

Do you want to get involved with diabetes advocacy but just don't have the time?

As a busy mom of five, teacher, and recent masters graduate, I understand this completely!

Please let me introduce you to Diabetes Patient Advocacy Coalition! This is the diabetes advocacy easy button.

As stated on their site, "Join Diabetes Patient Advocacy Coalition to easily help keep policy makers’ attention on people with diabetes. Once you've joined, we'll keep track of issues, opportunities, and how to contact officials. We make it easy to for you to advocate while giving you the opportunity to tell your own story."

It doesn't matter what type you are. Type 1? Type 2? LADA? MODY? Diabetes issues affects us all. This site makes finding the issues and who to write to easy. Add a little personalization to the letter and hit send.

As a famous office supply store likes to say, "Well that was easy!"

Ph.D. Candidate Needs Type 2 Help

Dianne Palladino, a Ph.D. candidate in Social and Health Psychology at Carnegie Mellon University, is seeking people to take part in an online research study for people with type 2 diabetes as part of her dissertation. 

It is completely anonymous, takes about 30 minutes, and those who participate will have the opportunity to enter a drawing for one of four $50 money orders. The survey is open to adults over 18 years old living in the United States who have been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. 

If you are willing to help, more information and the link to the survey can be found here:  CMUDIabetes.

Let's take this opportunity to help her and the diabetes community as well. 

Snow Day Workout

(Written two weeks ago, but forgot to publish. I'm still proud of this, so I'm going to publish it! So "today" actually was two weeks ago.)

Today the school district where I work had a snow day due to low wind chill temperatures, but my kids had school (delayed start). On previous days like today, I'd drop off my kids at school then head to a local coffee shop café. This place is family owned and like Cheers but with coffee instead of beer. With great conversation and free Wifi, I typically spend the morning there.

However today I had a better plan.

Instead of going to the restaurant, I went to the YMCA. I walked 3.2 miles! WOOHOO!

The Diabetic Teacher

At the end of the day.
Tired but happy!

I've been teaching full-time for a little over a month now. I will say that I love it more each day! I know I'm doing what I was called to do. My students are amazing and my colleagues are helpful and supportive. Honestly I couldn't be happier. At least with my job.

My diabetes management has taken a back burner lately. With my previous job, I was able to plan out when to test. I did reading intervention which meant working with small groups of kids throughout the day. I knew that between certain groups I'd test in the morning and another time between groups is when I'd test after lunch. With my new position, I'm still trying to figure that out.

I'm also needing to figure out a new exercise schedule. I went from a five minute commute to 35 minutes, which cuts into my previous workout schedule. Thankfully I've been able to maintain at my goal weight, but I still need to find the time... umm... make the time... to exercise.

It's definitely a juggling act when trying to live a normal life with diabetes. This isn't normal for most of the population. Most teachers don't have glucose tablets in their desk in case of a possible low while teaching a lesson with energetic children. Most teachers don't have to figure out in their schedule when they can test or get a snack.

It's not easy, but it's totally worth it!

Is It Worth It?

I have Type 2 diabetes. I am diet and exercise controlled.

Is it worth it?

This morning I went for a two mile walk.

Is it worth it?

Today, my family had breaded ravioli for lunch. I had a salad, a protein shake, and two raviolis without sauce.

Is it worth it?

While my family had burgers and fries, I had another salad with grilled chicken for dinner.

Is it worth it?

Although I've told my doctor that I have no problem with being on medication or even insulin if needed for my diabetes management, knowing that with healthy eating and exercise I can keep my glucose levels under control (for the most part) makes me happy. When the day comes where I wind up on medication and/or insulin that helps me manage my diabetes, I'll still be happy.

Is it worth it?

I have a husband and five children that depend on me.

Is it worth it?

Absolutely!

Week 2 Day 2

Wow! I honestly can't believe I'm still doing this! Week 2 Day 2 of getting up at 5 am to work out. Something that was an impulsive thought filled with much self-doubt has turned into a successful routine.

So far. 

The real test starts tomorrow. School starts tomorrow which means getting kids out the door in the morning. Which means I'm back to work.

Image found here.

 My classes start next week which will be another test.

I think the biggest thing that keeps me going is not to think too much. Don't debate in my mind whether I want to do this. Don't complain. Don't feel that I have a choice.

In the words of Yoda,  "Do. Or do not. There is no try."

This is my health. I'm not getting up at 5 am to impress anyone or to win any prize. I'm doing this to be healthy. I'm doing this so I'm around for my husband and children. I'm doing this for me!

If I turn off that 5 am alarm clock and go back to sleep, I can't say, "Well I tried. It's not my fault that 5 am is so early. I'm tiiiiiiiiiiired!"

I chose whether to get up or not. I do or do not. 

I chose DO!

Exercise and My Type 2

Let me begin by saying I am not a medical professional. The experiences I am about to share are my own and in no way are to be taken as medical advice. Before starting any exercise program, please consult your own personal medical team. Thank you!

Recently I started seriously walking for exercise. My glucose levels, especially fasting, have not been where I want them to be. I have adjusted my carb intake, but I knew I needed to step it up a notch. I live in a walkable community, so I am working on getting myself into a regular walking routine.

As a person with Type 2 diabetes, however, exercise takes planning. Honestly more planning than I'd like, but it is what it is. In order to go for a walk, I need more than a good pair of shoes. However I don't want to bring a big clunky purse with me either.

Here are some of the things I bring with me:

• cell phone
• water bottle
• glucose meter
• fruit snacks or glucose tablets
• Road ID

Cell phone: Not only do I have it if I need to contact someone (or if my family needs to contact me), but I also use two apps while I walk. Road ID now has an app that will allow me to notify up to five people automatically that I am going out for a walk. This app will also allow them to track my location in real time on a computer. I can even set up an alert to be sent if I'm in the same spot for five minutes. Another app I use is RunKeeper. This app will help keep track of my stats (distance, time, rate, etc). They also have training programs for fitness, weigh loss, distance, etc. programmed into the app.

Water bottle: Hydration is a good thing whether you have diabetes or not.

Glucose meter: Although I've learned that I need to eat before exercise regardless of my starting glucose (more on that mistake a couple years ago in another post), I still have the possibility of going low. I rarely go anywhere without a meter!

Fruit snacks: Honestly I can't stand them, but it's an easy way to carry some quick carbs if I need them.

Glucose tablets: I just recently go some glucose tabs from GlucoLift. I like that they're easy to chew (some are too hard to start with) and aren't gritty tasting. 

Road ID: Normally I wear a very basic medical bracelet that I got from the pharmacy counter. All it says on it is "diabetic". However when I'm out walking, I like to wear something with more information. My Road ID has my name, birth year, town and state, husband's number, home number, and Type 2 diabetes engraved. It's a great way to share that information if something happens and help is needed.

If I'm wearing shorts or pants with good pockets, I'll use them. Otherwise I use a fanny pack (yes, they still make them) or a cinch bag to carry what I need.

On that note, it's time for me to get out and do this morning's walk before things get too busy. I admit it's going to be a challenge once school starts again, but I'm up for it.

What things do you find you need to keep with you while you're exercising?

My #MasterLab Ask

On Wednesday, July 2, I attended MasterLab. This day of advocacy by Diabetes Hands Foundation occurred at the Friends for Life convention in Orlando, FL. One of the sessions was called, "Making a Successful Ask" with David Lee Strasberg. In this session we were challenged to work on asking others for funding or assistance related to a cause.

It is important to build relationships with the people or companies which will help when you go to ask for funding for your cause. Share your story and build upon a common mission. Express your vision which should not be more than a sentence. “I want to see a world where....” or “I want to be in a world where...” are good starting points. The overall ask, especially if it will be repeated to several people, should not take more than a minute. We were told to think about what we would want to ask others, practice it, then get out there an ask. Find a way for others to help and take action, too.

What is my ask?

By finding your way to my blog, you are aware that I am a person living with Type 2 diabetes. Every day I deal with trying to educate people who have been given misinformation about this disease. Every day I deal with the stereotypes of Type 2 diabetes. I dream of the day when I can say "I have Type 2 diabetes" and I'm looked at with compassion instead of blame.

My goal is to work toward educating others about Type 2 diabetes. This starts with better educating myself and those closest to me then progressing to the diabetes community as a whole - Type 1, Type 2, Type 3, gestational, etc. It is through educating ourselves that we can then educate others. One way I plan to educate myself and others is through the resources of the American Diabetes Association. The ADA was the organization I went to when I was first diagnosed with gestational diabetes over 21 years ago. They are the ones I went to when I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes six years ago.

As a way to say "thank you" and continue to educate others using the resources of the ADA, I am asking each of you reading this today to sponsor me whatever amount you can afford or care to donate toward the American Diabetes Association's Step Out: Walk to Stop Diabetes. Through your donation, you are helping further the mission of the ADA in providing education and support. Although I might not be able to make it to the actual walk due to my graduate school schedule in the fall, I still plan on raising as much money as I can to give back to this organization that helped me when I was scared and overwhelmed. Would you please make a donation? You can find my donation page here.

Thank you!

-------------------------
Disclaimer: I was offered a scholarship by the Diabetes Hands Foundation as part of my participation in the Diabetes Advocates program to attend the MasterLab. My conference fee, travel, and hotel were covered by the scholarship, but the opinions and ideas I will report on are my own.

Budgeting Diabetes

I've been struggling lately with keeping my glucose numbers where I like them. I've said before that my goal is non-diabetic numbers. I want my fasting below 100 and two hours after meals under 120. It's hard to control the fasting value, but I can usually control my numbers during the day through diet and exercise.

Is this easy? NO WAY!

Think of a family on a tight budget saving up their cash for a family vacation. Their goal is to have a really nice cash only vacation without the use a credit cards. They know how much they need to save and initiate their plan with perfect timing for their trip. This plan involves the family forgoing fast food and convenient foods which are often felt needed for their busy family. Although they know they can do it, this savings plan does become somewhat stressful. They enjoy going out for burgers and fries now and then. (I guess I shouldn't have started writing this right before dinner. Now I'm hungry!) However they know that to have the money they want for their trip, they need to drive past that drive-thru and make dinner at home.

Ok, this may sound like a lame comparison to many, but for me this hit home. I do like fast food. However to keep my glucose "budget" in line, I need to keep driving. But wait. I have five children who need carbs, so there are lots of carbs waiting for me at home, too. Bread, fruit, chips, juice, french fries, granola bars, tater tots...

However, like the family saving for vacation, priorities need to be re-examined now and then. They may want to go see a movie as a family. Depending on the size of the family, this could be an expensive outing. Do they stick to the budget and forgo this family time or do they lessen their vacation plan expectations in order to allow themselves these things they enjoy? Maybe instead of a trip to Disney World find a less expensive trip in their own state. Although it's not ideal, the time spent together as a family on a regular basis is more important than saving up for that one dream vacation.

Sometimes we need to budget our diabetes. Yes, I can obtain tight control during the day by watching my carb intake and exercising. However there are times I want a burger (with the bun) and fries as a local fast food place. Maybe I want to eat a candy bar (Snickers anyone?). Yes, my ideal is to continue to manage my diabetes with diet and exercise alone. But what if the only way to avoid medication is to avoid those food treats I enjoy or to have a lazy day here and there without exercise? Am I willing to change my "dream vacation" management and consider medication if needed to allow myself to have those "quality time" treats?

Definitely!

I don't know when/if I'll wind up on medication. My ideal is to continue to maintain with diet and exercise. I've come to the determination that if I need medication, whether oral or injectable, in order to live the lifestyle that makes me happy, then I'll do what I need to stay healthy.

Each family's financial budget in personal and unique. In the same way, we all need to decide what our diabetes budget will be.

Diabetes Management Apps

I love gadgets. I love apps. I have diabetes (sorry, don't love that). What helpful for a tech-loving diabetic who needs to get back on track? Diabetes management apps!

I have an Android phone. Right now I'm trying out two apps: MySugr and Care4Life. Both are free though MySugr also has a paid pro version. (Disclaimer: I was given a free voucher for 90 days of MySugr Pro.) I've been having fun testing them both out and plan to give them both a review after a while. I've only been using them for a few days, so it's too early to give them a thorough review.

MySugr is definitely more "fun" with a little diabetes monster character where Care4Life is very straight forward. I'm also using the SparkPeople app to help calculate carb content of foods and record my exercise. I'm looking forward to seeing how these two apps keep me on track. I've already been able to remind myself that I have to eat a very low carb breakfast to keep my numbers down.

Do you have any apps that you use to manage your diabetes? Please share in the comments!

What Brings Me Down - #DBlogWeek

Diabetes stinks. Ok, it sucks. All too often we ignore the emotional side of chronic illnesses. If I had the flu, I would deal with the symptoms knowing that the condition was only temporary. However, by definition a chronic illness will not go way. It's here for good.

When I was diagnosed, there was a small time where diabetes was a novelty. I like gadgets, so picking out a glucose meter was almost fun. Testing was fun at first. Counting carbs was fun at the beginning. The novelty quickly wore off.

The permanence of a chronic disease started to sink in. I realized that this wouldn't go away. Diabetes would be with me for the rest of my life whether I liked it or not.

Most days I can deal with diabetes. However there a too many days where I'm in denial. Those days are often followed by days where I get down about having diabetes. Thankfully when I'm having a rough time, I know I can call upon my family and the DOC (diabetes online community). 

One step at a time...

Poetry - #DBlogWeek

I've written poetry before. As a teen, I wrote it on a regular basis as a way to express myself. Unfortunately I have not kept up with my poetry writing. Luckily no one will care how "good" of a poem I write. It's the attempt that matters, right?

Well, here it goes....

My Diabetes Journey

Spring day
Phone rings
Get the news
Diabetes
Type 2
No surprise

   Take it on
   Head first
   Counting carbs
   Exercise
   Finger pokes

      Newness wears off
      What carbs
      Too tired to walk
      Absent meter

   On again
   Off again
   Sometimes counting
   Sometimes checking
   Sometimes walking

Wanting to be good
Example for my kids
Live a long life
A healthy life
Count those carbs
Find the meter
Get out of the chair

Spare a Rose, Save a Child

Today I decided that I was donating one rose in honor of each member of my Type Awesome team: my husband and our five children. Yes, I love the smell of roses, but these aren't real flowers. One "rose" is only $5 (USD) and provides one child with Type 1 diabetes life-saving insulin for a month. My donation to Spare a Rose, Save a Child will provide a child insulin for six months! Please consider making a donation today!

Diabetes Art Day 2014

Here is my contribution to Diabetes Art Day 2014:

In the middle of the darkness that is diabetes, I find a bright area of my life with the DOC.

.

Rant Alert

I'll warn you up front. I'm in a mood to rant. Complain. Stomp my feet. Throw a tantrum that rivals the tantrums of my children. Yes, I'm cranky!

Why?

Because I have diabetes.

Because it's Superbowl Sunday.

Because this day centers around.... FOOD!

Not just any type of food. Carb-filled food. Chips. Dips. Munchies of all kinds filled with carbs.

How is a diet/exercised controlled Type 2 supposed to cope?

It's not easy. My glucose levels went higher than I'd like. I was able to stay under 200, but barely.

This isn't just a matter of feeling fidgety, slightly sick to my stomach, and thirsty. I know that high blood sugar can lead to complication. Keeping my glucose levels under control keeps me off diabetes-related medications and insulin.

Yes, at times like today I almost wish I was on insulin. Almost. It would be nice to be able to bolus for food days like today. Yes, I know that being on insulin has a lot of other issues, but this is my rant and that's how I feel right now.

Tomorrow is another day. It's a lot easier for me to keep control when I'm at work. I can only eat what I bring in my lunchbox, unless I go to the vending machine but I need money for that and it's downstairs and across the building. I also have an amazing coworker who has a child with Type 1. Unknowingly she keeps me in line.

Guess it's time to put away the rest of the snacks, drink some water, and get ready for tomorrow.

Disclaimer: This blog post was written while cranky with high blood sugar levels under 200. Any typos or ramblings are not the fault of the author. She chooses to blame it all on diabetes!